“When you deal with too much pain you become insensitive to pain. That’s why some doctors may come across as mean.
So, what happens with the pastor is that, sometimes, the pastor is totally disconnected from what is going on. He forgets that the person that’s struggling with his/her finances can just be a great Christian. He forgets that a great Christian can have real marital issues, and there can be two Christians that really love the Lord but who just find it difficult to stay together. There can be people who are really prayerful, but right now they are suicidal and they feel discouraged.
For some, it’s from their childhood — they were probably raped at the age of four, or they experienced some kind of abuse when they were younger. While they are adults now and their spirit is changed, they still deal with the trauma, the pain, and the effect of that on their soul.
You look at them, and you wonder why he can’t do a certain thing. That it feels normal and standard for you doesn’t mean it’s standard for somebody else. You just wonder why the person can’t date, but the problem is that she doesn’t know how to receive love — she doesn’t even love herself.
The other day I was teaching in church and this lady had said she doesn’t love herself. Someone in the congregation responded that she shouldn’t talk like that in Jesus’ name. I then asked if that was the right response to someone saying she doesn’t like herself. Are you going to shut her down or do you really want to help this lady and ask if she can you help you understand her. You know what the church does, the church tries to solve problems that they do not understand. So, we end up confusing people more than when they came to us.
There’s a guy in our church who was raped when he was five years old. He had told me that when he was younger, the help began to touch him, and by age of seven to like 12, he was having sex virtually every day. When we met, he told me he was at the point where he just saw ladies as sex toys. The guy doesn’t even process sex as adultery or fornication. He just processes that as a game.
Number one, there is a way that people can be damaged. Recently, I watched a video about a religious family where everyone had slept with each other and considered it as love. The father was a religious leader who preached that if they truly loved each other, then the father should be able to sleep with his daughter and the daughter should be able to sleep with her brothers. It was insane because people were having children for their siblings and father. One woman said she ran away from her family because she believed that this was not love. Sometimes, the church may look at a person in this situation and believe that she needs deliverance. However, instead of just laying hands on her, we need to understand why this happened and what led to this situation. Sometimes, helping people requires a different approach for different individuals. Therefore, when trying to have a large ministry and help many people, it is essential to be personal.
How do you deal with a lady whose father was the one who took her virginity?
I heard a story about another woman whose father got her pregnant. Her boyfriend was not sleeping with her at the time, but he took her to a place where she could abort the pregnancy for her father. Eventually, they got married but later divorced because of the trauma that they had to face during their relationship.
These are real issues where a minister, who is trained in doctrine, can provide help, grace, and the Holy Spirit in such situations. We are not saying that we should change the standard, but we can teach the truth in a way that people can apply it to their current situation.”
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