I cried, I think after Tosin passed and I wasn’t dealing with that properly and I had to go into like counseling a few months last year. Then I did cry in one of those sessions…like I had to…the grief, the burnouts, anger, everything…
My dad passed, then my sister passed a year after my dad. So when my dad passed, my dad was older. I just thought he was seventy something, he’s lived a good life. So when he died I didn’t really think much of it. But I was a bit angry with that because I kinda felt the hospital should have told me he was dying but they didn’t tell us he was dying. So I was a bit angry with that and my sister too at that time was upset. If they had told us he was dying, we would have been with him every morning, afternoon night, sleep with him, hold his hand. You know that kinda thing. So it was just a case of ‘Daddy we’ll see you in the morning’ and then we left and learnt he has passed in the middle of the night.
Then Tosin passed. Ah! When Tosin died, I was angry, I was like why will God take my sister, we’re just 2 children o! I’m the first born. My mummy has lost two children before Tosin when they were young now she has lost 3 children, now its only me, Ahahn!
First of all, I felt the burden of just even loving my mother. I felt it was a bit much for me. I was angry with God. Because 2/3 days before that time I was at a revival, you know, I was…Ehhhh!…I was…serious prayer. I was like, God why you no show me say my sister go die? So I was very angry. I think that my dad death, then her death, just because Tosin had been a sickler, I had even been detached from her cause I thought she was going to die anyway. So it’s a lot of things. I think I now started understanding somethings about myself, why I was the way I was with people.
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