“I can’t blame my mother for how she felt and why she abandoned me.” — Beverly Osu
Beverly Osu’s relationship with her father and mother was not one without its hurdle. In her interview with Chude Jideonwo, Beverly shares how her father and mother abandoned her and her siblings at a tender age.
Beverly initially felt angry and rejected by her mother but she says she has healed and formed a close bond with her.
The bond is stronger than the hate or anger she ever felt towards her. Beverly says, her mother has now become her confident, superhero, business manager and many other things. However, her siblings continue to feel the pain of abandonment and blame their mother. Beverly attributes this to “trauma bonding” and their high expectations of their mother, who acted as both a father and a mother figure for them.
Beverly also reveals that she wanted to live with her father when her mother returned but was disappointed when her father failed to maintain contact with her. In her words her father gave her ‘ela’ by saying she should chose her mother and he will come visiting. Apparently, the father never came visiting despite him leaving close to where they were.
Beverly shares in details her relationship with her mum:
Chude: So your mother just woke up one day and left?
Beverly Osu: She said she had some issues and then apologized. But there are damages done already. I feel like I’ve healed from that part of my life because I can’t blame her for how she felt when she left. I’m growing, and I see that I’ve made some decisions. Her age then and all the circumstances made her do what she felt was the best. I can’t really blame her.
There was a time I use to blame her, and I always feel very angry at her, but now she’s my best friend, business partner, and wisdom supplier. So you see, I can’t blame her. I’ve also healed from that. But unlike my other siblings who feels mummy could have done better and they also won’t do anything.
Why Beverly’s siblings have not forgiven their mum:
Chude: Why do you think they are still in that place?
Beverly Osu: There’s something they call Trauma bonding. My siblings went through that when my mum was away. We went through a lot, and because they had a better share of my mum’s experience, they felt abandoned, and rejected. Like with how smart and how they glorified her, they believed she could have made a backup plan. I didn’t have that vibe with my mum, even though I was the only girl. I was always with my brothers or my dad. I think they still really blame her.
My mum acted as daddy and mummy so the boys expected so much from her. Coming into myself now, I feel the boys really wanted so much from her. She was our guardian and protector. She always comes for our PTA meeting and was always available. My brothers couldn’t believe she could ever make that kind of mistake.
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