It’s almost as if I want to say this to someone out there, that ‘I love you’.
You can say that you love people but they’re not good for you, they’re not safe for you, it’s not wise to be with them, they’re dangerous for you. You don’t need to stop loving them to avoid dysfunction. You don’t need to stop loving people to set boundaries. The two can co-exist.
My bishop, T.D. Jakes would say, ‘we hurt the most, where we loved the most’. I remember when I was on my last retreat and I missed a former partner deeply. I was thinking about the person everyday and I was annoyed because I had moved on! Then I realised that it’s the place where I loved the most, that I missed the most. And what T.D. Jakes says is that when that happens, you should be proud of yourself, that you have the capacity to love deeply, that you have the capacity forgive fully, that you have the capacity to hold warmly. It’s the best trait of the human person – our capacity to love even people that are strangers, like the Bible says, ‘to forgive those that have spitefully wrong us’.
I think this will be freeing for many persons. To know that you can love even when they’ve hurt you or broken your heart. The one thing they cannot take from you is your capacity to love. You don’t have to perform the love to them or love because ‘you are the bigger person’. You love because you are … a person and the fullness of our expression of humanness is our unending capacity to love.
In the culture these days, we talk about boundaries, positive energy, safety, toxic relationships. But all these things can make us forget that love is essential.
Because we need love in our lives. We cannot have joy without love.
Love is truly the greatest gift of all.
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